Preparations

I packed 3 boxes of clothes, underwear, socks, shoes, and a winter coat for Andrew. He has people pulling for him, and they have given me steady donations of clothes over the last 16 months. Some items he left behind at our house, some I retrieved from rehabs and police stations. He has plenty to wear.

As I sorted, I put the good stuff aside. T shirts that still have the tags on them;  he can get those for Christmas. Or his birthday in January. He will have to earn the good stuff.

I didn't send for another birth certificate. I have filled out the paperwork and paid for five birth certificates, all lost. He doesn't have a driver's license, and I could not imagine being without any identification. In reality, there is a sizable street culture without ID's, and they don't think it's a problem at all.

I smiled to myself thinking of someone finding those birth certificates and stealing Andrew's identity.  Oh, what a nightmare they would have created for themselves!

Andrew's out date is a Saturday, but prisoners are not processed on Saturdays.  It will be either the following Monday or Tuesday, depending on some bureaucratic what not that I didn't understand. Since neither of us will take off work to pick him up and take him to the half way house, the state is transporting him the 60 miles by---TAXI CAB.

There are so many stories I could tell. About social services, the prison system, parole.  Let me just break it to you gently. The "system" is broken.

Fluff Stuff

I'm in the mood to keep it mindless and light.  No comments necessary either.  The following is quick, fun, and stolen from Mama Zen .

 You Are an American Bulldog 

You are a very imposing, powerful creature... but deep down, you're generally good natured.  You are incredibly energetic, and you like to blow off steam with sports and horsing around.

You are naturally courageous. You would run into a burning building to save someone you loved. You intimidate people without trying to. Some people assume the worst of you when they first meet you.

What Breed of Dog are You

Week End Before Thanksgiving

I was looking for an internet pic for this post, but decided to use one from my trip to D.C. in April. It was a beautiful spring day in our nation's capital.

Today is warm, but overcast, in Michigan. I can run outside this morning, breathe in the damp leaves.

Andrew's dad is going to visit him one more time. He wants to "talk about the future."  God bless him. At this point in life he had envisioned fishing trips, both local and exotic, with his son. He stopped counting how many fly rods he has bought for Andrew, but yet he keeps a few in the basement.  His way is different than mine, but he has also let go, and let God.

I'm working a 4th step with a new sponsor. (4th step--made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.)  My old sponsor's program was too AA, not enough AlAnon.  It wasn't working out, and we parted friends. My new sponsor gave me a choice of work books to use. I picked the one that said:

How to Do a 4th Step--1) buy a pen and paper 
                                      2) start writing

Tonight, my girlfriend has a 60th birthday party. That sounds weird!  She recently returned from a fancy cooking school in Sedona, where she learned how to make prickly pear margaritas. Apparently one uses real cactus. I'll drink one to be polite.

The 2020 AA convention is in Detroit.  WHAT?? That was all the committee could come up with!  Many of us will be in our 60's.  More weird!  I have two guest rooms, in case anyone wants to start sucking up now.

Today I'm going to practice smiling with my eyes!

It Won't Go Away

Being a group representative for my AlAnon group is very easy. I go to one district meeting a month, and two assemblies a year. As I've settled into the role, I know how much information my group wants me to pass on. I give a two or three minute summary of local, state, and world organization items at each weekly meeting.

Now I've volunteered to be the public outreach person for our district. This is a position that basically I can do a little or a lot with.  So far, I have gotten suggestions to place flyers in doctor's offices and rehab facilities. The fliers cost 10 cents each, so I want to put them where they can have the most impact. I also volunteer to talk at family night at several rehabs.

I've tried several times to set up talks for parents at the middle and high schools, but have gotten shot down quickly. The school district both my kids attended is large, affluent, and concerned about ratings. Like most school districts, it has a huge drug and alcohol problem. There are programs within the schools (not pro active enough, in my opinion), but no place for parents to hear the experience of another parent. My feeling is schools would rather hide the drug/alcohol problem, than have their ratings suffer.

 I was disappointed how unreceptive they were. I'm willing to give the school district the benefit of the doubt about the ratings.  Can anyone think of another reason they don't want parents talking about drug/alcohol use?

Awards

I never expected to learn from blogging, to get prayed over, to be understood. I sure as hell never expected to come out a better person. I got so incredibly lucky that a group of people found me, and gently but persistently stayed on message. "I am powerless over drugs and alcohol. I can turn my life and will over to God. I can understand my part and make amends. Life should not be lived on high alert. Love and hope are free for the giving."

I've gotten a few awards, so it's a good time to acknowledge your support. (I'm not linking; everyone is on the side).

Without Pam, Scott W, Mary Christine and Syd, I would still be trapped in fear, guilt, blame, worry, remorse, and anger. They commented day in and day out that there was another way. They said it patiently, and they said it over and over. AlAnon has changed my life. It has not changed the addict, my work, my family, or my circumstances.

AlAnon changed me.  A little light I had inside is warmer and brighter now.  I trust more, I'm afraid less.  I  don't know how it works, but it does.

I'm indebted to the honest, caring commenters. I love me some people who tell it like it is--Patty, Frankiecon, Bro Frankie, JeNN, Dr John, LL Cool Joe, Kristin, Clean & Crazy--to name a few. Your words have changed my mind on more than one occasion.

Thanks to the friends who are steady and sure. Tall Kay, Indigo, Prayer Girl, Louisey, Paula, Lori, Rachel, Betty Ann, Cat, G-Man and Whitemist.  All the many others! I'm so grateful.

I don't read blogs of people who are still using. I have lost the need to "understand" addiction. I do read the parents of those still using. Often I wish they were in my home group.

Sometimes I get a follower, and I go to their blog, and I say "hmmm" or "WTF." I wonder why they care to read about  an IV drug user, alcoholic, felon, bipolar, son of a workaholic, compulsive, nut job of a brokenhearted mom. I'll poke around their blog, and usually I find the answer. They have been slapped upside the head by life.

Just like the people on my sidebar.